I'm gonna smile

2009-12-27T23:20:00.000+08:00

龔芝怡（芝麻）作曲、演唱，並參於編曲的《受保護》
小寒作词

A
心疼你一臉無能為力
你最不擅長演戲
反讓我更愛你

心領了你的小心翼翼
是怕我會委屈
傻瓜別怪自己

B
有你深愛過的我
有甚麼事談不妥
乖聽我說
過你要的生活

C
我們其中一個幸福
好過兩人都不知足
你懂我最愛哭
眼淚並不表示我怕孤獨

這一刻最大的幸福
是錯下去前說不
分離不苦這不算苦
不要想著彌補

我不是個孩子無須再受保護

A
別以為我的心像瓷器
心碎並不是委屈
是成長的必須

別小看這一路的回憶
它會開成感激
給我存在意義

B
有你深愛過的我
有甚麼事談不妥
乖聽我說
過你要的生活

C
我們其中一個幸福
好過兩人都不知足
你懂我最愛哭
眼淚並不表示我很無助

這一刻最大的幸福
是錯下去前說不
分離不苦這不算苦
不要感觸

D
不要反覆不要反顧
不要愛她吞吞吐吐
女生最恨戀人還想保護
上一段追逐

C
我們其中一個幸福
好過兩人都不知足
你懂我最愛哭
眼淚並不表示我很無助

這一刻最大的幸福
是錯下去前說不
分離不苦這不算苦
不要想著彌補
我不是個孩子
無須再受保護

我因為愛了你
無須再受保護

2008-10-13T06:10:00.000+08:00

Good day to everyone : )

randomness..

2008-08-10T18:59:00.003+08:00

Saw this fortis swiss watch online.. birthday present for myself this christmas?

2008-08-01T06:33:00.002+08:00

I am up awake early 6am today. Still suffering from the aftermath of open cut wound infection which includes occasional loss of appetite, on and off feverish mode, and of course and aching body... I read somewhere about human relationship, touching on the idea of not marrying which is equivalent to marrying oneself. It says that --> it feels better when you give yourself the love you deserve better from others.

Just purely sick n emo and in need of rest. This is not doing me good but again "healthy lifestyle"? Back to sleep.

2008-07-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

No coffee, sleep early. no bad habits. so much of my new healthy lifestyle.

One of my uncle passed away. Rest in peace. May God have mercy in you.

2008-07-26T00:25:00.001+08:00

Officially jaded.

Back in sg to receive so much saddening news.
Moved on.
Quit-ted.
Worried.
More health conscious.
Fearing Death.

2008-07-22T17:21:00.012+08:00

Reg with Eileen.

7b wall with butt pushing =|

Me!

Kenneth catch in action.

jingsong in action

finally in ao nang beach.

Day 1 - sleepy already

I really miss the climbing people, the sand, wall, shopping mall n silly moments! i wanna go back!
Here's e pictures

2008-06-20T19:12:00.001+08:00

"Like" is a puny.

While a "Love" is one to run away for.

At least for me.

2008-06-14T22:55:00.002+08:00

"On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife aid, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.
I moved Dew's hand aside and said, You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one months time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and shedidn t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew(BITCH) about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not becauseI was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom,through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our lifewas lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

I teared. Love and marriage. If one could commit oneself, and lay one's life to protect and hold the closest one to the heart, what's in this world will tear 'em apart?

I am trying to live without you now, but i miss you babe.

2008-06-14T14:14:00.001+08:00

"The Heart Of The Matter"

[originally performed by Don Henley]

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily ever after
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

2008-06-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

thank you for not smoking.

He who covers his sins will not prosper. But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.

I pray for mercy and i pray for forgiveness in You.

2008-06-03T17:19:00.002+08:00

The truth is never to be told. It's best not to confess since the trust is never given.

The truth is that i had sent myself into the slumbering post winter sleep..

The truth is i choose to walk away.

The truth is what i told u is those which u never wanted to know...if all the truth you wanted to hear is not that i love you, it's better i had chosen not to tell you any of them before.

2008-05-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Square Root of Three

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun,
as 1.7321
Such is my reality,
a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

2008-04-27T11:36:00.001+08:00

Last paper ends on 6th May, starting work on 7th May.

Holiday == Airport.

To those lucky ones flying off away from singapore, please say hi to me in airport...

TMD 20days of airport in May!@!$@#%$@%#^%%$^%$&#$

2008-04-24T16:43:00.003+08:00

Through years of education and perhaps into higher learning, I finally understand that learning of different fields eventually lead to higher understanding of nature which is often deemed unexplainable to ignorance of human beings. From the science of nature, to driving force of human in oscillating system, to history of earth in molecular studies, we see a picture often deemed shocking. Sad be true, though human triumph over the past few million, we often live our lives so shortly that we don't see the oscillating pattern of nature. Till then, we pray we will carry on living and perhaps depart this planet without suffering from its wrath.

This is my delication to Earth and Global Warming/Warning.

2008-04-23T19:23:00.001+08:00

I thank God for the gift of quantum physics.

Maybe i should major in Physics and build a mini atomic bond/bomb?

2008-04-14T02:38:00.002+08:00

John mayer - Say

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walkin' like a one man army,
Fightin' with the shadows in your head.
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead

If you could only...Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.

You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.

(Wide Heart)

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to, Say what you need to...

Say what you need to say.

Just watched Bucket list..
Life is Family, Love and joy. God bless.

2008-03-29T18:02:00.004+08:00

Here's the photo for you.......

2008-03-23T03:49:00.003+08:00

Not actually emo-ing tonight, but definitely filled with some emotions. I guess this is for that special girl who never fails to brighten up my days. Having the feeling of losing someone is the worst feeling of all. The self absorption of pain that entrapped one's soul. Dreaming of her leaving, in the realm of unreal dreamland had left me some pain as i woke up. I guess physical separation can really pull two individuals apart, staying close as before emotionally is never so easy...I have seen her smiles, heard her heart beating, listened to her words, songs, rap, and harmless grumbling but never were i once irritated. "Buay tahan" means more like "I love you, and your words". Wish to spend more moments of my life with you.

oh it's 4am! time to rumble.

2008-03-02T23:15:00.002+08:00

Facebook dating? lol

Will they feature a broken heart when u break up?

2008-03-02T00:28:00.005+08:00

omg little dumbo

She so gona kill me! Post it in facebook n get mulitple dats! Salute n smile!

One of my favourite pic!

2008-02-28T23:29:00.004+08:00

she made me look so dumb over skype =(

2008-02-28T16:42:00.003+08:00

Candid.

Blurred. well lousy dopod!

Aww.. like e nightview and the time spent.

2008-02-28T16:40:00.001+08:00

self shot to see if if i got swollen face.

2008-02-27T01:24:00.002+08:00

emo::emo(string userinput)
{
happiness = userinput;
emoPointer = NULL;
}

c++ driving me nuts.

2008-02-26T18:05:00.004+08:00

It's been a whooping 2 months past since i last updated, and i was told to do so. Here it goes...

Watched so many movees in the span of a week. Movees of love, comedy and it ended with a sad dark history of war. The film entitled Katyn talks about the 1939 Soviet invasion of Poland, which resulted from the signing of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact between the Russian and Nazi. Impressive truce which i never knew of before. It seemed all so clear to me that the Russian who liberated parts of Europe are all/if not as evil too.. but well it's already history. They seperated the soldiers and officers, but with eventual goal of eliminating the command of the Polish's army. As a result, (bang bang bang) mass murders of the Polish officers were carried out in Katyn...

well the Russian and Nazi really did their part in population control in the WWII.

To those who got killed, murdered and dead. Rest in peace.

Oh, must update more about sch and life.
MIDTERMS coming again. what's new?

Well good times!

Just dont kill me for this!

Hmm... got to fight atoms, electrons, DE and c++ for midterm. All of these just made the holiday so "meaningful" to be.

PS: i love you. jojo. (forced to sign it off this way)

2008-01-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Forget about 2007, about blogging, n forget i am JJ. Sign off---- attitude !

2007-12-10T16:45:00.000+08:00

sex is like math, add the bed minus the clothes divide the legs and hope that you dont multipl

2007-11-22T13:55:00.000+08:00

Visit ThreadLess Tee from 10bucks!

2007-10-24T03:20:00.000+08:00

Emo dumbo..

always feeling emo when the time clock ticks to the midnight.. with music that lift e emooo level up. up.. i think girls with a clear mind is highly attractive.

Confidence, independence. with a little twist bits of emo.

I am such a loser when meeting the girl i like. i wish i could just blabber some nonsenseesss... i turn into a immediate clear, n stupid guy. qns that runs through me will be like the dumbest u can ever think of..

A very clear indication when i am interested to one is when i start talking serious?

LOL..

when i am stop being cheeky. My emo side.

I think my previous r/s are really messed up.. i am afraid of messing up too. Can i have someone who can get my life back to a whole?

I pray for a good Christmas, pls grant my last wish as a boy ( to have that girl with my heart ).

Ok. emo level dropping n drying up, time to hit e bed. Goodnight.

2007-10-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

/*Declare variable*/

int j;
int *bathroom = NULL;

j = 5;

bathroom = &j;

....

5 aka "take 5"

This above code is a result
C programming, and my hideout. If u know C, n pointers, u know what i meant.

2007-10-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of Ms different the other day, the dream was clear and vivid, equally funny. Sch is depressing and fumblingly disappointing especially after the mid term tests i had.... i am like ? screwed? i hate mcq la. No point studying things u know, because only things u don't will like pop out from the paper? i am certainly questioning myself if i choose e right major.. i should be better off doing nothing ( * because i fee i am that kind of guy with quick burning passion for everything ).. nothing keeps me glued to one place. Yup perhaps. I don't know.

University of Singapore?

Take in less PRCS and indieee la.make SGrean life so hard for what SIA...

Ich bin studient an der National Universitat oft Singapur. Ich bin mude.

2007-09-29T02:09:00.000+08:00

Growing up is never easy.

I drank, i smoked...

I drank milk today.. then i think back to the time when i was a little boy..

i remembered mum told me to drink milk so i can grow up faster..

then i think smoke more n drink more milk can achieve double the effect..

So thank you for smoking and drinking.

2007-09-23T00:44:00.001+08:00

Happy Marcus and sad me... well often than not, we don't cherish the pple around us.. only till to the moments of parting, we embrace others with memories n tears. Well, felt quite emotional after seeing him off... Happy studying.. n "please come back".

2007-09-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

Scary serene.. just kidding.. one of my studying buddy. Well one slacker + one mugger wanna be

2007-08-31T01:53:00.000+08:00

emo because of one song.

emo.

2007-08-26T02:54:00.000+08:00

Who will you pick to be with when u know u wouldn't be living through to the next moment? Just watched a total scientific show/drama which sparkles off this question...

I don't have a definite answer to that question.

School have been fine, rather ok. I defined it as O-K. I suppose to fine-tune myself to think like an engineer? to offer a total systematic learning, arguing with logic. But still i think uni learning or rather e system is rigid. You earn points through academic result, fighting through the curve and topping the cream and to graduate first-class which means more money, higher respect? nicer cert?

My attitude on "doing things" are ( can do, means can do, cannot do ask someone smarter to do, i do best in what i do, and so do you )

I don't know either.

But to me, i have been enjoying part of it, like picking up a new language ( German ), learn some programming.. figuring out what to wear each day to sch? which girl to ogle? playing some sports and enjoy the ache for the next few days, knowing that age is quickly catching up. Maybe more to a poor-conditioned body. That's all O-K. I am still very happy.

till then.. see you when i see you.

2007-08-21T01:26:00.001+08:00

LOL.

2007-08-08T04:06:00.000+08:00

Daughty

Over You

Now that it's all said and done,

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down,

Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath.

I fell too far, was in way too deep.

Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,

Dragged the memories down the hall,

Packed your bags and walked away.

There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,

A lot of others opened up,

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

Well I'm putting my heart back together,

'Cause I got over you.

Well I got over you.

I got over you.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.

* just don't feel like blogging nowadays. No more passion though most of the time i spent was staring is at this screen.. i surfed forums, read e books. wasted electricity, fix stuff, reply sms. go school, check email... fucked? is this life? throw me to the oasis and give me some booze.. i need to find my pitch. u know what i mean. u really do... just walking to that now*

2007-07-29T17:05:00.000+08:00

My humble rig//My Boxes. Moet?? lol extra sia

2007-07-17T14:37:00.001+08:00

Very Tempting Man!!!! 1k for 8800 + 20 inch wide screen! Expensive! no money!

2007-07-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

Gonna fly off in a few hours time. Had a bad day today, well i hate it man.

I hate e pharmacist too, but well i faked that i was a medical student for a couples of minutes in my life today, i gave a good lecturing to one em today! Please don't be so rigid, not only u understand medical terms n rules. So fucked up rigid system!

Well.. let all be well. I will be back on 10th.

To my brother : I appreciate your effort and understanding. Ur sms n note did made me feel better. You will understand more when u grow up.

2007-07-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

Now u know why i am so obsessed with fixing comp rite? cause i am single! but poor.

2007-07-01T03:23:00.000+08:00

Comestic upgrade before July 1st. Antec 900 and Veridrium Power XT 480W. I fixed it myself k!

2007-06-29T14:47:00.001+08:00

Yet another ghostly shot. Sam gone, Gone. Nat soon? me going holidays! wahaha

2007-06-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

My Absolut collection. One more Ruby Red and 100 and level 1. No more kurrant and peppar. boo

2007-06-09T15:23:00.000+08:00

Is there something termed as ' bitch ' poisoning?

Hope there's found a cure, if not it's so dead.

I am gonna smile. Just don't be surprised.

2007-06-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

She's sweet.

She's nice.

She's draw on me, my card and call me mr piggy.

She texts me almost at e right time.

I bored her out?

I disappointed her.

I am so poor and useless.

She. And Me?

that's a little of the things i gave away.......

2007-06-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

xin and me! always ktv... sorry for causing injuries to ur ears

2007-05-26T13:32:00.000+08:00

blue! saitek eclipse II and my razor diamondback with exact control mat! woot!

2007-05-23T03:46:00.001+08:00

absolut bored people

2007-05-23T03:44:00.000+08:00

absolut bored!

2007-05-18T23:54:00.002+08:00

Ghostly n shaky shot! that's all. =)

2007-05-18T23:54:00.001+08:00

2007-05-18T23:52:00.001+08:00

2007-05-18T23:50:00.001+08:00

2007-05-17T15:33:00.000+08:00

Haven't been here for quite some time.

Got my new babe, i love my computer with black shiny silver casing. It's may now, gonna be really back to school soon. I still remember vividly about what almost happened ago, or did i even remember correctly. i think i didn't break up with someone but got dumped? haha but that's not the point i want to make. But that incident totally changed my concept about certain people and certain issues that many have to deal. I keep my fingers crossed. I prayed. I got disillusioned. I wanted revenge. I smell blood. But i managed to stop before getting washed away even further.

Yes, i was truly disappointed with the moron. very.

to be that moron who had wasted his youth.

but i grew from a moron to a happier guy. but i am equally, if not more disappointed with her.

I am so much happier now. Hope ure at least happy n be true to urself, i still think she's someone who never had ever understand herself. There's so many people out there who treat me nicely with respect. with love too. So please even treat urself with respect n love?

i am smiling in my heart. if not crying for her soul.

2007-05-08T02:40:00.000+08:00

Watching Ellen's show again.. someone drew a smiley on my punchcard today. Gona draw u something in return... she's gona drop by tml to bring me sweet, how sweet can she be.. hope u dont meet the roller coaster taxi uncle again! Just settled the hostel application, see how it turn out to be ya.. if not i will just travel up n down. I am not a rich geek who can afford the luxury of buying a car. Maybe i can get a vintage vespaa if i ever decide to learn how to bike!

Well that's all.. Goodnight.

2007-05-06T04:10:00.000+08:00

Pretty June. Caught Retribution and the wind that blew the barley? don't know if i got the name right. But anyway retribution is a MUST watch! wonderfully funny for a horror show. but anyway was a great time spent! Morning blokes and babes!

2007-05-04T04:46:00.000+08:00

Test Test.. I missed my silly face! i miss my hair! i hate my braces!

2007-04-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes as i grew older, i tend to look back n miss those days. But as i am now, 20, still young n kicking, i am looking forward to days that i will be old. ( happy? ) a big big unknown. Somehow, i don't want to grow up now. Burden become bigger, responsibility become clearer. In the younger days, trust from friends don't come easy, but now as the older individual now, who are mostly driven by the innate nature of human, trust is "earned" from what u can offer, an immediate image will be profit. " what can i gain from it? " " what can u offer? "

Ugly but true.

Truth is never meant to be beautiful anyway. Truth are meant to be hidden because so.

So as now i am growing older, i see more "beautiful" things in life.

I don't wanna grow to old because we grow to be blind, blinded by our own eyes.

Oh happy labour day. Fuck?ED?

2007-04-28T06:19:00.000+08:00

Morning angels.. Just looking forward to monday right now. My life is just basically so screwed. So much about keeping oneself occupied. I basically ignored your sms and call ( i almost didnt replied any other pple sms too ), i know i dissapointed you but sorry ya. Just wanna be alone ya. I am so enjoying "life". 2 more months to sch opening.. i guess i won't be smiling much by then.

Yup, work work, so much being a salesman.. haha the most expensive one i sold is merely 700++ alcohol. Anyway it sells itself.. Yawn one day, i gona sell the SP. Sure gona gan chiong spider if i can sell the 16k one, which i must that super duper lucky.... work and more work. I can't wait for monday to come.. but again it's booked. Fucked. I wish i had 48hrs now. I missed those time that i got to slack so much.

I can be happy for a few seconds if i can buy the dunhill d-8c canvas!! 810bucks + 25% off. That's gona be my new sch bag! sometimes i think i am so materialistic driven. Work to spend. I gona work harder next time.. in order to collect all the dunhill bag! Sorry no LV.. too ex for me. haha!

2007-04-23T20:17:00.000+08:00

I am a happy boy, i bought a 1k watch, but it is still seiko. I am a happy boy, but i didnt manage to cut my hair. I am a happy boy because everyone is having exam, and i can go shopping alone. I am a happy boy because i wanna watch spiderman 3, anyone?

I am a happy boy because i love my job.

2007-04-16T02:37:00.000+08:00

It's 2.30am now, eating my supper/dinner? pathetic lifestyle rite? Haha i broke a 109dollars ice-wine today. The sky is limitless, so is the supply of wine. I dont need to pay, but... haha had to clear up the mess, n the smell is not good. I broke some smelly gd wine, i suppose? Haha had the longest fart in my life while eating fries, but well i am alone at that moment, it just embrassing for me to share it here. Bad digestion and lifestyle, i am really worried about my body sometimes, cause food dont taste the same.

Oh, i missed someone today. But again, so what? I am missed. missed out.

Yawn, gona finish my food n be rolling into sleep. Haste is on. So is time. My life is stretching apart!@!@!

2007-04-11T19:02:00.000+08:00

Met a cheeky girl at work today. I guess i am probably one of the first few person she spoke to when she stepped in singapore. After mere appearing infront of me, she asked if i could get her a malibu, and of course it stir the shiet out of me because i tot it was a volka.. it was la.. then she asked if she could get 2 of it. So the first respond was like " Do you have a boyfriend travelling with you? perhaps u could buy on account with his passport? "

The respond was " Oh ... " smile smile smile " Nope i am single "

" Just came bac from aussie ? "

" Yup, my dad just gave me 800dollars "

Haha then she went on to chat with me, was almost instantly attracted to her. I was like " gosh, i wanna know u " but those words didnt came out from my mouth, of course.

then she went on to tell me abt her dad, called her dad, then she asked if she shd get herself a present for her dad or herself.. In the end, she bought absolut ( for herself )

Gosh it sux that i am working, seldom i saw girl that can drive through your heart, and go like bang : she's the one. what a cute, cheeky girl to spice up my day of work.

2007-03-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

To stay contented as i asked for nothing.

2007-03-22T04:39:00.000+08:00

This entry will be the result of my outburst of feelings and thoughts. So much was being bottled up in me, what could be a better thing to just let the all off? What can be a better company, then to have someone to share. Sadly, i am left with here, the blog. Perhaps i should just have this blog ended in this way. It had served me good for 3/4 years. I named it " i am gonna smile " with the hope that i will be smiling again after the failure in my first relationship. Second to come, it go on with me to my college life, one that could never be better than knowing those who really cared. Many a times to even people closest, closer to heart, they never knew my pain. Holding to the belief that nothing can be too big to contain, and also with my selfishness actions, i hurt people unknowingly in my ways.. i own far too many apologies to them.

Then it come a period of self exploration, one that i went far wrong and hit the ground. And also a period of undeserved grace of time. Though i hold my own time, i called it undeserving because i simply wasted it.

So right here and now, i do for once felt lonely. No God in my heart, no friends, no true family, and no one that i deserve to stand aside/along with. Just the naked me, not tied to anything, not holding to anyone, but helpless and cold stoned staring into the new emptiness that i created. I want and wish to cry for a better tomorrow, but there's nothing left more.

And to the lowest point i stand, and i always thought i hit the lowest once, but with new experience of life, there's will be more lowest to hit. more mistakes to make. more painful experiences. All i want is to truly feel myself one more.

Afterall, i am not so strong a soul too. My weakness is hitting on me again.

2007-03-12T03:48:00.000+08:00

Not my bmw, but have e key! so tempting to drive it... Hehe who say PCK wannabe can't drive BMW?

2007-03-12T03:37:00.000+08:00

Jack the Car!

2007-03-12T03:35:00.000+08:00

My BMW! look like a mini light saber

2007-03-12T03:31:00.000+08:00

PCK wannabe vs the RedGuard

2007-03-06T20:38:00.000+08:00

Ok, trying to blog here...

After slacking for one whole decent week + cny + weeks beofore cny, i am back to work. Woke up 8am today instead of the usual 1pm/3pm/tuition/dinner/out/supper/insomia/1pm/3pm/ That's about all. Ok travelled down to suntec to work for the upcoming IT fair, was workig for my fren's fren's dad's fren... simple job which involves walking. Yup, walking. The job title is project coordinator//high-class foreman, i being paid to see people work, all i do is carry a little file with floorplan n layout and walk ard.. what a simple job. So basically i will be at suntec till Sunday. This brought me back memories of the motorshow, having to be at suntec everyday for 10single days. But for this time round, i am da little BOSS! i can just go shop round marina and suntec when the show start but anyway i did that today.... saw a few stuff but didn't buy impulsively this time.

That's all about it.

Oh travelling today is like going to zouk, was being sandwiched by two girls..a hot and a cold one* can't help but to feel shy when u know ure like so dammn bloody close to another person. Thanks SMRT for making the train services being so "club"-like.. maybe u should have ladies night for train services too... it will be like WOW!

2007-02-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me lately.

Some people just know it all.. some don't

I think know there's something bigger always out there looking at you. Don't judge or be judged.

2007-02-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

Boys cry because...

1. Girls screw them over...
2. They just got hit in the balls...
3. They're about to die...
4. Their heart is broken...

Lovely GIRLS: If you see a guy crying, hug him close and hold him up as he gets over the pain of getting kicked in the nuts. Tell him he's not going to die,and if he's crying over a girl... hug him and kiss him and let him know you won't screw him over and break his heart like the last girl did. Guys just want to know that our girls will be there for us to support us when we need them and help us get our mind off the pain of heartbreak, getting kicked in the balls, and knowing we're gonna die.

I think it's quite true most extent, certainly applicable to most man.

2007-02-15T03:00:00.001+08:00

vdAay

2007-02-15T03:00:00.000+08:00

My vday present comprise of virus attack. anyway I won't be in be sg for cny. bloggin with pda is cumbersome, unless u like pokin with stylus.... happy belated vday.

I like isolation again.

2007-02-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

Visitor only.

2007-02-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

My first visit to caldecott hill ( taken by my D810 ) My first Audition too. It was fun

2007-02-09T12:13:00.000+08:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2007-02-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

Went to the Starhub Shop n Singtel shop. Well i saw Singtel seeling O2 Graphite on their webbie already! priced at 498. I hope starhub will probably be selling it lower or even at the same price. And guess what, i cannot terminate my m1 line yet.. ( so gd of having two mobile line to myself ) paying extra. And if i am to buy the phone i have to pay a 100 more top up and Starhub pricing for high end phone require more expensive plan if not it will means u have to top it up to 200. No way i am gona pay 700 for the new phone la. Fingers crossed.

Or another way is to buy dopod 595 lol. A slower processer, lousier camera, but cheaper! can get it at 398 + 100 = 498!! Wth. Not really much abt the pricing, it's about the branding. 02 vs Dopod. I will say it's the success of 02 consumer branding and i do not have the preference of not using stylus or watch p*** on phone.. Wth, i mean cartoon, movie dled la! Hmm... the downside of both the phone is that the screen is small. Next time they shd have video output to connect to monitor or tv! it will be so great!!

So much on phones... I have been always faithful to my XphoneII ( i had 2 of it, cause i lost one ) but i think it's time to get a new one. Just hope Starhub price it good and i can have more blessings ( to my pocket ) during CNY!

Lovely days. JJ signing off.....

2007-02-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

It was actually suppose to be checking of certain account info from my email, but i decided to just clear up my email, which stretech all the way back to 2003. I found emails written by dora...i decided to read through them. =) it was sweet, encouraging and more kind. It felt like time travelling back to the year of 2004 and 2005. Just like a old friend of yours conveying her thoughts through a time machine. ( like those time capsule which u dig and bury those item ) Most came from the timeline where i just entered army, and those where she was pre-occupied by her trainings and exams. I think i didn't quite understand her needs last time, on second thoughts i think i know it now. One thing that i learnt is that time spent is not everything.. maybe by givin quality time n sincere encouragment, and exchange of pure feelings and understanding beats more than time spent dining, shopping or even catching a show together. The constant connection of the heart? some say it just those sms that counts, i say it's the longing to connect. i say true love is one which can stand the test of time.. what do u think? I often blame it on the mismatch of time//how often i am envious of those whose rs can last through army..i am totally envious and baffled. Maybe they are truly deeply in love and i am not. Maybe.

It's just memories. And the longing to see how she's doing. I am quite certain it pays nothing to write all these down and it doesn't bring back the longing to connect anymore.

Hmm aside from all that... thought of getting of a new phone. Even my phone stops me from connecting sometimes. 2yrs of JC, 2 yrs of soldering, 4 more years of uni. And how many more to live and love?

2007-02-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

Fucked up ..!.. kaboom bomb scare

2007-02-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

2007-01-29T00:41:00.000+08:00

My love is seasonal. Time to do some spring cleaning =)

2007-01-28T02:23:00.000+08:00

Went to michael's 21st. Well, not too bad, just felt happy that it was a happy occasion.. he liked the gift from me =) thanks for praising me to be sweet. Teased me too by saying i was interested in ur gf's fren. Well cheeky... meet justin after leaving the place, caught one of the lamest show in 2007 = it's like what the ....fish. Alright, i shall be as good as i can be in 2007, be a good boy so that God//santa will give me a good present this christmas, i don't wanna be lonely no more.

Got this off derrick's blog. thanks that ur blog is finally no playing my music anymore, meanwhile enjoy the lyrics to his new song.. haha my ar***

Gallery

God broke the mold,
When he made this one I know
She's breathtaking but so much more
She walks in the room, your loves closed
Making you never want to breathe again
Her boyfriend has got so much dough
So much ice his neck and wrist froze
Is he faithful to her? Hell no
But she chose to be with him, shorty

Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime

Because I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do
Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you

Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on,
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime

I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

You're a masterpiece
I know that he
Can't appreciate your beauty
Don't let him cheapen you
He don't see you like I do
Beautiful not just for show
Time that someone let you know

I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art

I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
In his gallery

2007-01-22T10:21:00.000+08:00

Lack of updates recently. Got disillusioned by the idea of studying.... afterall i don't see myself to be a engineer down the road.. neither am i gona climb the ladder of whatever company. Maybe selling light bulbs to the countries which lacked them? I don't know. Shall just enjoy life la.

Hmm.....

无缘 by 陶喆
is quite nice.

Mr derrick seemed like i am worse off than u ya. At least in ur case, it's seemed like everything is still open to you. But to me, i have no avenue in showering//showing care. ( i don't care much nowaday liao ). U know what i mean ya. It's just a mismatch of time and ya 无缘 lol.

Hi JJ, and bye JJ. Just a friend here who expect nothing in return signing off ; )

2007-01-19T06:50:00.000+08:00

Good morning!

2007-01-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

Went out on a friday night, reached home on the Sunday morning!
Mode of transport : Drove around by a girl ********
Places : Everywhere, from East to West, went northern, then central. Almost everywhere
Slept : Somewhere near Holland v.

Price: Priceless ( 30 bucks )

When to sign up again : Holidays

I guess holidays over!
Was just crapping la, bascially was just travelling around Singapore, went nus for free lan? then icecream, tennis, chomp chomp.. then home. Almost shagged out. Should be serious with life now, cannot be bumming ard. Maybe can go crash NUS again... pre pre school orientation?

Back to serious mode,i should get a passion, get the girl. Get the money, get the enjoyment. Get the power, get the security. Get the knowledge, get things working.

Get serious, get the things above.

2007-01-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose

2007-01-01T22:18:00.000+08:00

0803 small gathering. Big fish, small fish.

2007-01-01T20:29:00.000+08:00

Was very particularly touched yesterday, justin actually came over to countdown with me minutes before New Year. Ha ha it's funny, cause we had a pop-er to make the coming of the new yr. And now, 2006 is over. It's 2007.

Went over to benji house, had his red wine, ice wine and baileys...texas poker was fun too ( almost own it all ). Honest player with a little twist of initial bluff is good. It's just a game of decieval ya.

Happy 2007, i embrace it as a coming and with a simple meaning that future time is passing by and on again. Seize the day.

2007-01-01T20:21:00.000+08:00

Night of poker, i almost own it all.. but it's just dummies.

2007-01-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

That's post new year's eve.

2006-12-31T14:03:00.000+08:00

Lala LALALA lala LALALA lala... happy new years eve

2006-12-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

It's 2007 in 2days time. Time to just wrapped up the year of 2006 and have a new new year resolution. Two main point of change of me this year will be getting together and breaking up with dora, which sounds close and yet far away. I am really happy to see her smiling in blissful manner in the arms of others ya. I guess letting go of someone doesn't mean getting her off her mind or making her non-existance.. it's more about letting go of one's emotions. I guess she should be fine. Thank for getting something through my mind.

I guess frens come and go, some grabbed u tight, some let go. To mr derrick li, thank you for being around always when shiet happens.. Close to 8 yrs of friendship with you? I cherished every bits and pieces of bitter and sweetness with u. Remember the times i actually hugged u to cry. That's true friendship, i know ure always the person i can trust and hold on... thanks for watching my back though there are times of unhappiness, i wish to say sorry and i love you ( as a @#!@# )

Thank you michael, cy, xin, just, ron, pear? and most of the strangers//friends//uncles//people who actually drove or shot something through me this yr ( the angelic and devilish nature of man )... and yesh marcus. thank you. ure a great mentor, for the guidiance to my exporation of life.

Thank you father, mother, yesh u brother. sis? i wish for patience and peace, and love.

To dora : i love you and please take care. I am happy just to see u smile. Holding on or letting don't matters much, true happiness and understanding matters more.

To the heavenly Father, u watched me. i know u did.

2006-12-29T20:21:00.000+08:00

Met up with Marcus yesterday, it's really hard to talk to him down face to face whenever there's a class meeting and most of the time i don't enjoyed that kind of gathering. Thanks for the dinner and spare me for bringin up stuff about work. I guess you shd just go and enjoy ur studies next year. Thanks for reminding me to let go of my emotions, because i was so baffled by my own actions. My mind was not clear. Thanks for everyone

Matthew 12:31
And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.

Well, went out with pear the other day too, she's really one of a kind, it's really comical of her to have did certain stuff. Very nice cookies which i tasted today, chocolate//vanilla cookies will be nicer. Yup the one of a kind pear. Caught midnight sun too, it was a very nice movie...i guess love is blind, love can be strong. We embrace love to live on, to give us courage. But again, love can make us live in our memories too.. two of the soundtracks were exceptionally nice too " Goodbye days " and " Happy lines " by YUI. A show not to be missed by couples//lovers?

Tommorrow never knows and it's happy lines. I felt better today. ( from all the food poisoning and illness )

2006-12-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

.....................................................................................

what i said was true, n i hope u didn't mean what u said. What's with the unhappy memories? I never existed anyway. i existed in ur life like a bad humour. JJ ure star-crossed! Live and die with it then..

2006-12-28T01:06:00.000+08:00

Lyrics: YUI
Music: YUI
Romaji by: cori

dakara ima ai ni yuku sou kimeta n' da
POKETTO no kono kyoku wo kimi ni kikasetai

sotto VORYU-MU wo agete tashikamete mita yo

oh Good-bye days
ima kawaru ki ga suru
kinou made ni so long
kakko yokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara
~with you

katahou no IYAFON wo kimi ni watasu
yukkuri to nagarekomu kono shunkan

umaku ai sete'imasu ka? tama ni mayou kedo

oh Good-bye days
ima kawarihajimeta mune no oku alright
kakko yokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara
~with you

dekireba kanashii omoi nante shitakunai
demo yatte kuru desho?
sono toki egao de
Yeah hello! my friend nante sa
ieta nara ii noni...

onaji uta wo kuchizusamu toki
soba ni ite I wish
kakko yokunai yasashisa ni aete yokatta yo

...Good-bye days

2006-12-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

silly michael.

2006-12-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

fast impromtu ?