Thursday, August 10, 2006

I should be good in bed by now i guess... but i guess i couldn't.

Oh btw i teared the other day because i watched a touching comedy movie, not that i was extremely sad.but that moment or two, i did feel alot better.

Just to let those reading have a preview of what i was doing an hour ago..

I jumped onto the bed, on my mp3 again. David tao's song was on the playlist again. Then it comes a song " shi chen xiang shi " - like we have known each other before. It just fit nicely in place with a piece of my mind. So i thought i probably sleep after the song play like 3 or 4 times. But i couldn't. So i just picked up the guitar and strum a few chords... so it goes on and on. Did a few moments of peace, closed my eyes and fall into the calmness of peace.. and clouded myself with a picture of darkness...

But it didn't bring me to sleep, so i can't help but to power up the monitor and now i am here writing some stuff...

I just want to bring myself back like 8months or plus back..
The typical day goes something like...


"..............

Oh I had a lousy day. It wasn't entirely a lost cause, but there were some moments that reached the pinnacle of sucky mountain, mostly having to deal with my duty to serve and thinking away to balance out time to spend with those i loved and cherish. All of which make me feel like the equivalent of hot gum on a sticky sidewalk; something annoying you just wish you could scrape off.

So, time was running past my mind like mad race. It seems it never come close to finishing, or even stopping. I hardly could breath a single day without thinking about her. Yup her. because mostly it was her her her her her her her her. That's all make up mostly to my pathetic life...

Hanging on to a pointless relationship certainly drained most of my energy off.. so I had a lousy day. I didn't know if i was in love or in a drainage filled with spare/spared attention.. but it did wash quite a sum of time off.. put it a point here - i am very tired.

so u can say i wanted a breather.. or u can it a temporal switch off...

or a struck of infidelity.

Whatever u want to coin it as k? it doesn't matter to me. What really matters to me is that i wasn't true to myself.

So i met a girl who i somehow come into my life.. someone who once i told stuff to. someone who i can phone can chat.. just as a friend. She was kind.. different from her. Someone who I can leaned against, sit down with on a most unthinkable situation, and I felt renewed by her warmth and her faded smell.

All she has to do is sit beside me to make me feel whole again. I love her for that.
I certainly do.

But it all comes back to the point.. i wasn't true to myself................. "

I hang on and went to back the to pointless blank.. a shot that i am regretting. i should be. or if not or should have never felt so.

I suppose i could just hid this entry up because i didn't want either of them to read it.

How ironic can things can sometimes.. when u thought a broken relationship wld have left u with a hole so deep u never can fill up.. but sometimes u like to dig in more and let it out..

What's left to me... a exiled stranger, and a friend who gonna turn stranger too.
Thank you for ur smiles and love you for ur kindness.

Lastly, dammn the computer who always prompt me to shut down! 3 Goodnight/ Okay it's morning anyway...

" neng bu neng ran wo zai yu jian ni "..

jjia leaving skool at 2:49 AM

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