Thursday, July 28, 2005

Haven't been really into some serious blogging for quite sometime already. Currently i am sitting and typin in a very unqiue position, just to make myself feel more comfortable. I have been fine, and the swelling on my leg which endured the "trauma" are receding slowly away. Somehow a gd sign as i am feeling some strength on my left knee too though much portion of muscle are being wasted away.

The reason why i haven't been blogging much is i can't find a time to sit down n cash them down into my"bank of emotions and thoughts". The speed of my life have decreased significantly, from 180rpm to maybe like 50rpm. I am a slow machine now. However, this slow down in physical speed allowed me to do things with all the time i can have. Not a luxury to most pple around this bussy world. But deep down in the mechanism of e machine, i discovered that the processing speed have increased notably. The thoughts, reasoning that are going through are all speeded up. I would say this reversal is a trade-off. More than often, our mind are too preoccupied by matters of our "busy" life that we let other things go in e other way, often unnoticed and un-processed. The quintessence of life was lost, and our life become meaningless. Right now, i feel quite blessed by the higer-being above, He gave me time to think through my life.

I have been keeping this little black notebknow, to pencil down some of my thoughts, I guess i will share it online when time is right. It's my new bank of emotions and thoughts. The number of pages of paper should last me through this period of time.

I have been reading freakonomics to discover a hidden side of everything. It is based and pictured upon by a few beautiful crafted illustrations - the alternative explanations. And the correlation between morality and economics, which is also being explained beautifully by the author. No doubt it's a international best seller. Some interesting points in e bk.

1. Incentives are e cornerstione life
To understand and exploit, we must find the key of interest

2. Conevntional wisdom is often wrong
Only through observations and studies of patterns, can the truism of a picture be fully seen.

3. Dramatic effects have distant even subtle causes
Our life begins with a starting point and changes when we hit a turning point -this create movement in life.

4. Expert use their informational advantage to serve their agenda.

5. Knowing what to measure and how to measure makes a complicated world much less so.

The italic portion is my personal understanding of the points, yet to fully fathom point 4 and 5 .
Well so any incentives is inherently a trade-off, the trick is to balance the extremes.

"MORALITY REPRESENTS THE WAY WE WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO WORK AND ECONOMICS REPRESENTS HOW IT ACTUALLY DOES WORK"

jjia leaving skool at 5:21 PM (0) comments

***

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Your Birthdate: December 25

Your birth on the 25th day of the month (7 energy) modifies your life path by giving you some special interest in technical, scientific, or other complex and often hard to understand subjects. You may become something of a perfectionist and a stickler for details. Your thinking is logical and intuitive, rational and responsible. Your feelings may run deep, but you are not very likely to let them show. This birthday makes you a more private person, more introspective and perhaps more inflexible. In friendships you are very cautious and reserved. You are probably inventive, and given to unique approaches and solutions.

jjia leaving skool at 11:22 PM (0) comments

***

Monday, July 25, 2005

It's D-day. H-hours before going into the ops rm. I am darn nervous now, because i have no previous experience at all. Hope things will turn out fine.

Today is quite a pleasant day. As usual, we gays went for movie, n food again... Yea so much in gaying, walking down esplanade like 2 boys, sharing our "bridge" stories.. so much fun in crying and pouring out from my sullen soul. Well, there's a few people i wanna thank - michael for kfc and hospital tips, ngian xin for e phonie crap n " i can't breathe ", sarah for "in-style" chats and also allowing me to offer my expertise to her service, and lastly to my greatest gay derrick for all e comfort though we are not couples.. siao eh.

2 songs that i always want a playback, which is Fall to pieces, and Sally can wait..
Nice songs.. it's just so close to what i feel deep in.

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything[

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

Can i say i miss u? n i still love u? n that i am trying to force myself not to do or say so?

jjia leaving skool at 12:50 AM (0) comments

***

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Waking up in the late afternoon with a spin in my head. Actually it's quite a luxury for me to do so, ever since when can i sleep so much, or shd i say i have been sleeping so much that i nearly forgotton the existance of my own troubled mind. Right now, i am trying hard to recall what i have done this week, hmm, hanging out twice in town, go do delivery service with michael.. nothing much. The last fd i ate is filet o fish with starbucks mocha, which was like 12hrs ago.

Hmm..

I wished i was ok.

I wished.

Was in town that day, marcus( campmate ) asked me if it is foolish or very wasted if u were to wait for someone and the ending is not a happy one.. and it marks the closure to that relationship. I didn't know how to ans him.. i've yet to know. Sometimes, it's not the days, hours, seconds, that u are "waiting" for that person. It's how u go abt making the time spent meaningful and the drawing the 2 hearts closer. Foolish me. Indeed, irony is often wasted on the stupid. Love i would say is a satire of reality..

Hmm, i am going for a knee surgery this monday and i have to spend abt 3-5 days in the ward. Boring environment again, bet no where is better than my usual hangout, my room. I will miss my room, bed and everything..

jjia leaving skool at 1:20 PM (0) comments

***

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

LOST

There's quite a few interpretation and elucidation of this word, i have no mood to explain.

jjia leaving skool at 6:38 PM (0) comments

***

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Crash.

"You think you know who you are. You have no idea."

Like any movie-goers, i paid ard 10bucks to enjoy the nice seats, the big screen with excellent theatre system. I am sure the viewers will come out satisfy with the money paid if it's a gd movie. Crash is one of them. In the short 110minutes, it touches on the issue of racism, which is made discernible when people of different colour skins treat each other conflictingly , often with fear. It's definately a gd movie with gd content.

Fear is the greatest killing weapon, we kill because we fear. Fear muster from our inner self and the surrounding. Often than not, when we exist in a unfamilar environment and being surrounded by poeple of different colours, culture from ourseleves, we feel alienated and unaccustomed. We are fearful and distrustful to the people ard and people start to form band and groups and create their own circle of trust. This distrust may simply lead to conflicts and violence and killings. We kill. So i would say fear is the greatest weapon - a simple logic adopted by the terrorist.

The movie is great too because people often don't notice or care abt people ard until we crash. So much in potraying the cold side of human beings, and that by crashing we know that human relastionship is so much important in our lives.

2tumbs up.

This weekend is okay i would say. My life evolves ard the same old stuff that i do, the same place to hang out. Not very captivating to most who are so always "happening". Haha.. i am saying this because i think somethings which others do which are consider happening are total foolishness and cockamamie (it's slang). I always do the same thing, walk pass the same place. The new smu building always stand along my path, and the thought of studying there flashes arcoss my mind perpetually. But i am still trying to find a reason to convince myself to venture into something different. Actually, an uni degree is not that important now but still a neccessity ( a diploma is mere minimal ), so it's doesn't really matters where u study or what. I am sure uni days shd not be preoccupied with muggin but more of researching, gathering of resources in physical, and also building up networks ( a mixture of street and bk smart will be gd ). Yup, i am looking forward to the coming of that day.

Today is a moody day for me, simply because i am uncertain about this coming thursday. Haha i wish i can go through the ops smoothly ( please fix my knee ) and simply because i want to break free from the green-uniform days for sometime. Though i may not deserve this long break, but i think i am innocent enough not to waste MY time - i simply hate serving. To compare the magnitude of undesire to serve, i would say it's 10 to 1 in ratio and scale to those days i hate going sch. Now i start to appreciate the days in sch. I hate CAMP. esp the 4 letter - A R M Y


Oh btw if the mds people happen to see this, it doesn't represent my personal view. ( so please don't arrest me ) It's simply generated from a soul degraded by the senseless things he do in u know where la.

jjia leaving skool at 10:24 PM (0) comments

***

Saturday, July 16, 2005

This what i do in prison, wasting my life away 

jjia leaving skool at 11:57 AM (0) comments

***

Rules of engagment.

How do we act under fire? How do we go about engaging fire?

It's combat and rea-life with bullets flying and people dying. That's real combat. Well, Rules of engagment is one of the best flim documenting on a real court martial on a col. I believe that's no set of international rules to clearly define death in a war, or casulty to hold a person on murder sentence , other than e rules of engagment. What caught me in the show, is that if the col is to follow all the directives in the rules, he would had lost more man.

To a deeper thought, were this rules make for war? Had these people who set these rules ever in combat? or these laws being draft by comabt personels after war? Will more people die because of these rules?

Often than not, rules are make to be broken. They are there not to create a boundary, but more to define the differences in the boundary. The differences in decision made by people. What makes human so outstanding is because we are able to classify and differentiate. But, we can never draw a straight line across an edged surface. We see things in all angles and perceptivity , and all is left to see is an argumented line.

How do we truely define something without absolute and
unmitigaed understanding? Remember we are not omnipotent

I am always a non-believer in rules.

jjia leaving skool at 2:34 AM (0) comments

***

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I want u... 

jjia leaving skool at 12:42 AM (0) comments

***

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Self-identity

Who am i?

A soldier who is unwilling to serve. I just wanna serve my TIME(precious time) n GO!

jjia leaving skool at 8:25 PM (0) comments

***

Sunday, July 10, 2005

This week is short, in a sense that i am sick most of the times. But, looking on the bright side, i enjoyed this week and i feel happy genuinely. Vey happy indeed. People ard me are very nice, and i feel happy for them too. Great dinner with frens, and family. A very complete and fufuiling week. =)

jjia leaving skool at 11:39 PM (0) comments

***

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Sweetest things are often left unsaid and untouched.

Well, stumbled across some stuff today, so i was just curious and i wanted to rip everything apart. I found hidden words, captions, letters and meanging to everything. It's sweet, sad and bitter. But if i were to see those then, maybe i will react differently, and things may change. Haha, but i am glad i see them again today, to see how jj have grown from a boy to a man. Indeed, from time to time, memories bring out a whole set of meanging to the existance of ur life and let you feel the sweetest moments in life. And let u see how lovely a person can be.

Right now, i just feel that i can do my very best to love the person who i have given my heart to. If u happen to see this, just wanna tell you i love u.

jjia leaving skool at 5:38 PM (0) comments

***

U have a choice, and the choice is for u to make. If u know the future, what will u do? Make a decision and face it with consquences - minority report.

Well, read the newspaper today, and ordinary shoppers like us may be make to pay for the plastic bag the retailers provide. ( Does GST includes the annual tax which the government levy on plastic producers? ) Oh, we've got it wrong again. This is simply because we are trying to learn from foreign practices in countries such as Germany. It's self-enforced, meaning that there's no legal bill being placed to enforce this rule. So.. will the retailers take this opportunity to be "green" and charge the consumers the extra cost?

Maybe they will, maybe not. Let's imagine what will happen if they really do so. Say for one plastic bags, they gona charge us 10cents. Aunties will first rush to grab big grocery bags from IKEA or some other ulu cheap cheap place and they will stay complaining " wau lau eh, why zheng who always lidat ", a mixture of hokkien and angmo. Pardon me for my uncouth language. So the demand of grocery bags ( those really big n cheap one ) will go right up, and our poor plastic bag will become unwanted. WRONG! uncles and aunties will start using the recycle bag that the recycling companies issue to them. So, the point that i am gona drive across is that, collective decision can never be make in our society due to our pure selfishness. To exhort the selflessness in us, we must go within our soul and touch our heart,and ask how far are you willing to go to make this earth a better place for others. So by simply imposing monetary cost to the public will never put a cure to the gobal problems. Why not spend the cents and dollars on the poverty stricken child in other parts of the world?

Why not?

jjia leaving skool at 4:31 PM (0) comments

***

i love this pic 

jjia leaving skool at 4:31 PM (0) comments

***

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Hmm watched so much movie in this short span of time.

1. Mindhunters - bloody and lotsa killings
2. Seed of chucky - more killings again..some peeing
3. Princess Dairies 2 - sweet romance but childish
4. The Butterfly effect - no matter how u wish things to change, bad things always happen. Well stop crying your heart out

jjia leaving skool at 2:44 PM (0) comments

***

Monday, July 04, 2005

Burning head, and i think my brain is cooking. And i can smell bbq. Meanwhile i am still online trying to write some nonsense into the blog. I realised i have not been blogging much, simply because i am very happy with my life? and there's nothing much to show but my happy smile. Right now i am just writing all this nonsense because i am foolish...


Why so?

Why should i?

Argh i am just do all these for e sake of writing n blogging.
I may sound emotionally unstable. I can just feel a tiny heat wave passing thru my brain. I am slightly in an unstable state.

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

jjia leaving skool at 12:52 AM (0) comments

***

Foolish me,
Foolish You,
Foolish me,
Foolish You,
Foolish me.

So it's foolish me.
Foolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish FoolishFoolish Foolish

One "foolish" for one thing i had given up. That sums up to quite alot

jjia leaving skool at 12:38 AM (0) comments

***

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Fat pig 

jjia leaving skool at 11:38 AM (0) comments

***

That's a candid shot 

jjia leaving skool at 11:37 AM (0) comments

***

Present for mum 

jjia leaving skool at 11:36 AM (0) comments

***

Dumb smurf smile. The aircon is so cold and i am freezing 

jjia leaving skool at 11:35 AM (0) comments

***