Friday, April 29, 2005

Roaming ard the town this few days tired me out. Feeling bored, i feel that i have to get myself down to plan. I can't just let time fly by day by day. Receiving a call from the squash club to go down for a trial is quite nervous, haven't been really be touching my rackets for a yr? Well, but the coach sounded really friendly and I will go down n try my best tml.

Currently, i am still awaiting upon the news of my posting. But it seems it wouldn't come so soon, maybe a little later that what i am expecting. Yup life is quite strange, because Bang out of the blue, something can happen and throw you off the course from eveything. Somehow, things start to fall apart and we all do break down, yea don't you break down. Maybe life is just a ride - sometimes ure up and sometimes ure down. I will never forget that life is a ride, not fogetting it's a one way ride when there's no way back, back to the old gd times.

Is true that time will heal the pain? How amazing can things be? It is actually so simple to mend the broken soul. Maybe she's the only girl who can help me. Maybe i am so amazed by her words. But life is so cruel, so real to me. To see her laughter, her smiles, so vivdly in my mind when i am sad... I hate this. JJ got to smile n move on.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Gd morning. Woke up with a spinning head, pretty much like a hangover. My weekend is great, meeting and catching up with cy. Congrats to her for getting into the course of her choice and was really talking back about those times of first three months. Those time when i had happy times spending with some great frens. Mic is flying off for his air grading too. Met up with him in the morning, n getting to meet up with old frens gave me a sense of comfort. Saw dora too, went over just to say hi, but i guess she didn't want to be there anyway. Sat in later for Marcus lesson. The young kids are so pampered with their tabloid pc. Cool. Pretty much still a gd day.

I have a bad habit of looking at the clock. Shouldn't had stare at the clock, should had let time tickle pass. Yet, i didn't and wasn't firm enough. The moment of my foolish decision of sending her home, just made the legs moved. But my presence makes me a fool. I walked off, told myself to be strong. Looking up and holding back the flow of tears, i stared into the night sky. No stars but just a full moon. Somehow, i can imgaine myself at the moon. Staring down at Earth, feeling cold, and with the longing to get back.

If things are just like what she said, i would had let it go more easily.
My tears had washed off bits and pieces of little unbearble feelings, so had my heart broke into many pieces.

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Monday, April 25, 2005

Just dropping to write a note of heart felt words in me after watching the movie Hotel Rwanda. A true account that took place in 1994 - the rwanda genocide. It left almost 1 million dead n countless of orphans. What turned human so cruel? Hatred and the driving insanity. Somehow, i felt ashamed of being a man, a human being. Ashamed of the unhuman, uncompassionate nature that man potrays. The formation of the UN came out from a gd intention, but in the process of its work and the existance of of its presence in troubled land had not lead to preventing innocent people to be killed. Once again, it reflects upon the organisation itself. Politically controlled by superpowers. Unwilling to sacrifice and commit themselves in helping others in times when needed. It's a shame for some to see their multinational force of peace-keepers doing nothing about and around the torched villages and in the bomb-gutted towns and cities. The blue berets (hats, helmet, u name it, they have it) had also failed in many other missions - the ignore genocide in sundan, and other genocides in bunia, the ivory coast and lastly kosovo. Ignoring the fact that peace had once existed in these places, they did nothing or some perhaps something, often ending and sending off with a very strongly worded letter to the war-ravaged countries and the rest of the world.

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Well, reaching home on a Sunday morning is such a morale booster to me. I am not going back till tues ( should be wed but the GP is just so hard to convince ). Well, went round and round searching for some lost item in my room! That's how my morning fly by. Well, but the lunch in the afternoon is definately great. I am so proud of myself for being a great eater.. (watch if u gonna eat me up again) I am someone who bend ard with the rules. I just love to "geng" nowadays. Who gonna take e blame? Not me again!

Taking time off each day from my work, i can't help to think but the idle time makes me ponder.. w-h-y? lotsa why and what? Why am i stuck up in this little place? Why didn't i make a better choice back then? Why things are so cock up recently? Why am i going round in circle? Why am i spinning on the same spot?

What is pride? I am not a loser, neither do i need to win to boost my ego.

What am i gd at? I am not that lousy, infact looking down at pple doesn't make u any different unless you are really on the top of the crown.

What am i searching for? I am not lost, neither am i lacking of something.

Am i regretting? For life is never the same before. Before, like the time which is given to me. Like times before choices are made.

So much unanswered qns.

Ans: It's just period. Periodical changes that are taking place.

I love the Papa's word " Be not afraid "

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This a entry specially delicated to my 2IC.

"You are the number one cockster and mindless creature"

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Sunday, April 17, 2005

Stand by me

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday,
I've, Got a lot of things to learn,
Said I would and I believe in one day,
Before my heart starts to burn.
So whats the matter with you,
Sing me something new,

Don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know,
They only seem to come and go, away.
Times are hard when things have got no meaning,
I've found a key upon the floor,
Maybe you and I will not believe in,
The thing we find behind the door.
So whats the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know,
They only seem to come and go away.
Stand By Me,
Nobody knows the wayit's gonna be,
Stand By Me,
Nobody knows the wayit's gonna be,
Stand By Me,
Nobody knows the wayit's gonna be,
Stand By Me,
Nobody knows,
Yeah nobody knows,
The way it's gonna be.
If your leaving will you take me with you,
I'm tired of talking on my phone,
There is one thing I can never give you,
My heart will never be your home,
So whats the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know,
They only seem to come and go, away.

Maybe I can see, yeah,
But don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go, away.

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Sunday, April 10, 2005

It's a great week. I always feel that the weekends are too short for me. I feel that being in the army is really like being in an time capsule. When the trainings are on, time seems to pass so slowly. But in fact, there's many things happening outside in the civillian world. Like for instance, the shops in the mall was shifted, the movie price are going up, least not to the changes that happend in my own room. Hmm.. but anyway watching movie is my all time favourite. Dinsey's show " The Pacifier " is so much a comedy. It potrays how a navy seal can instill the disicipline of millitary to a houshold. It just reminds me morning reverie, stand-by area, the most yuckest combat ration that soldiers eat. Haha, army does do me gd, but i somehow feel that 2yr is still too long.


"It' just a standstill to my world,
Everything is spinning.
Where's my hero that shine my world,
Everything is gone.
Wished you were just here"

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Sunday, April 03, 2005

It's been a tough week mentally for me. I have been really suppressing all my feelings deep down in me. I never feel so hard to breathe before. So hard in letting go each grasp of the air, each moment that had ran across my mind.

Well, the moment i stepped into the hse, i was lost. There's a party going on, and there's like dozens of people crapping in the small hse. And i get to see some pretty cousins which i never had ever come across. Who are them man? It's just a birthday party but obviously i am not that birthday boy. Feeling so hard to breathe, i can't help but to escape from the crowd. Just really grab my clothes and went out in the night to catch the "Be cool". Nice and humorous and n learn to keep the cool. I hardly talk in the show, in the cab and when i was home, the party is over. A cool, quiet day for me. But i did smile today, a demure smile. What's wrong with me? I really don't know..

A few words can really kill everything..

"So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me "

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The song that runs through the lonely night with me

Away from the sun


It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am
'Cause now again
I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again
I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
It's down to this I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done
And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

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