Sunday, March 27, 2005

Hi blog,

Let me drown my sorrows to you today. I felt lonely, cold and tired. It's a brand new week with jam-pack training and it will be killing me. What a gd thing to start with. But i will tell myself to hang on there. 9 more weeks or perhaps 5more weeks. I will eventually cross over to OCS and i know that those gd buddies ard will be there too. Hope to see them in time to come.

Bye blog. I must be less emotional and just drown myself with trainings... With pride we lead. But often it is pride that kills you. Sorry blog for talking so little to you, i be more talkative when i am cheerful again.

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Friday, March 25, 2005

Wouldnt it be nice if

both of us will live each day

fufillin and happily?

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

It's the final day of my block-leave. Well, time to report back to camp tml - School of Specialist. My day shall come when i report to SAFTI.

One good little thing worth celebrating about. This coming friday is Good Friday =)

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Friday, March 18, 2005

Let set the sail up and get back to the rough sea again.

I would say that my block-leave is as good as docking in the harbour to stockpile up all the energy that is need for the new voyage again. Back to tekong for my leadership training in sispec. My eyes are really green when i know some pple actually get into ocs, simply because they know how to "wayang". But nevertheless, all the best to those best man in platoon 4.

Read junren's blog just now, seems like he had set his mind on the dream to be a "high-fly dog" of our society. I found his way in the pursuit of fame, money and wealth smiliar to mine -- by working through the connection line that runs through to people. But the bottomline is, only through your own capabilitiy and true substances u have, then you can show people what you really are, and rise up the rank, earning your rightful respect of the others. I find it really hard for myelf ,and it is shameless to achieve goals by underhand method. Sucking up, as the name suggests sucked.

I always wanted to be fully intergrated into this society. For one simple reason, because i want to hav a taste of the summer, a permanent one i would say. A summer where you can tan the happy mind in the ray of the sun that never goes down, even in the dreams, it's never dark. I had lived quite a big portion of my 18yrs life in the rainy autumn. From now on, whether it was winter, spring, or autummn, my mind is set on living it through like one uninterrupted reign of summer.

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It's totally new day again. First thing to touch on today is about change. Not abt physical molting but of perceptions. Spending a day watching badminton, the first thing i was amused was that actually there's really quite alot of pple in sg that play this sport. There's really a whole bunch of young and outstanding players from the singapore sports school. On the contrary, squash is really a old man game.

Furthermore, parents of this young stars are really showing their full support to child.. i even heard one parent asking his son to go do stretching. This self-proclaimed coach sound really professional. Perhaps they are really pinning their hopes on their children on achieving what they had not achieve when they are young. Or perhaps in hokkien context, to "hao lian" ? Hopes. Expectations. It really boils down to desire.

Desire. The desire to achieve and win.

Oh coming bac to "change", basically the perception of my view on one particular person changed quite abit today. She's one important person in my life. I saw her play today.. looked impressive, constantly showing aggresivness and the desire to win. I think badminton is everything she needs to focus now because of her upcoming competition. Really glad to see her play that well today. Anyway she's going to hav another crucial match later. Best luck and skills to her. The change i see in her is that she is never weak in her mind. She's a strong girl.

Coming back to my distorted thoughts.. i am looking forward to something...which is my e-posting later. I am quite happy but also worried. Happy to see myself to be in command school( which i hope to see ), worried at the same time for my physical condition. Can my poor leg take it?

Ok..time to sleep.

Ending it with one nice new age song, May it be. A new age soundtrack from LOTR.

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true

You walk a lonely roadOh!
How far you are from home
Believe and you will find your way
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Believe and you will find your way
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The dictionary defination of molting is " a complete or partial change, affecting feathers, hair, skin or cuticle, undergone by a certain animals at particular times of year or at specific stages in their development.

I wished i had molted. Someday, u will give up on ur raggedy old clothes for smart new ones. Perfumed urself with outrageously priced frangances. Haha but the few physical transformations that human undergo are puberty, ageing? Voice change when u undergo puberty.

Speaking about voice. I thought of the empowerment of one's voice. How abt in doing that? I have found one answer. Power comes upon success. Before the days of one's success, the voice that comes within never seemed very effective in everyday life, when you need to ask for something from a shopkeeper, when dealing with pple you meet in life, or just in a simple coversation, sometimes pple don't really pay attention or take very close notice abt u ( they are just interested in what they want to hear, human are selfish ) .. but once success come and fall upon u.. u will find that pple will always listen to you, and simply grant ur wishes.. what a strange world huh?

So how u wish u had molted, sloughed off ur former self too?

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Monday, March 14, 2005

Dreams..

I do hav dreams of living abroad, away from this tropical island of the equator. New York is sure a gd place to live..A house by the beach of California will be good too.

Being able to be become a highflyer and earning big money is always my dream too.. i wanna be part of the co-ladder climber, a fast and furious climber. A quick and ruthless one. I know i can be different too.. with sheer determination and hardwork, everything is possible.

I always dream to be at the top..

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Friday, March 11, 2005

Hi blog.

This week is pretty good. Some dumb stuff i did in this week are travelling to just touch one of a pillar of a bridge, hurting my own leg when i doing stretching, spoiling my new ipod in just 1 hr time. Total idiot i am man.. listening to 3 doors down again.. i like "let me go" very much.. well i am gonna book in later again to throw grenede? one throw will cost the taxpayers a few hundred bucks? haha any1way it's really dumb becasue it's just boom and taxpayers' money fly.

Well..so much so i met n chat with quite some pple too. Some look stressed up with their work..haha but at least they get much better pay than me. Others just spend their time n money on shopping, fufuiling their own needs. Who will choose work over play? I am playful in nature too.

I talked to ym online days ago.. well it's like nearly one yr ago that i really had a gd chat with her.. I think we both changed. The perception on love - a touchy topic. She told me that she thinks that love and romance is not just abt smsing each other, telling how much u love him, always spending time together with him and blah blah ..she's complaining so much..yea she's losing faith on her rs? She hate kiddy stuff now! Do agree with some things she said, she had really chnaged and matured. She prefer understanding than the kinda of "over suppressing" kid of rs. Then come to talk to sarah, and she's single now. But i think she still can't really get over him yet. Tried my best to console her already, telling how blue e sky can still be. I am actually in no better position to tell her and help her, given my present situation.

The truth is i still never gotton over u, and i still in love with u...

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

jjia leaving skool at 6:25 PM (0) comments

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Yea perhaps she is right, i will not miss her or gradually not miss her anymore..

But infact i will and still do so.. i guess it's a yr of great uncertainty for both of us. A year of exams for her and a year trainings ( if i presume so).. both of us will be busy and our attention will be diverted away from each other. I always think that in having the patience in waiting for an answer will eventually solve the problem at the end of the day. But i was wrong, there must be initiative in either of the party.. ( who's gonna do that? )

Had always thought that we will learn to adapt to the situation.. and i will just do what i can for her. Nevetheless the great vicissitude of life will just break us away. Maybe our rs is never strong, a short, small tremor just make us fall. Fallen....

Well, it will be better if things aren't going this way. Why forseen it as just a road of misery? Eager to just hit and cut through the whole route and get to the end of it? But i am just bending through it. I am still waiting patiently to see what is going to happened in the end - the end of this rs? Hopefully no, i wish no sorrow nor pain. I had once a bad experience already and now it makes me numb when i think how bad the situation was last time.

I am just thinking why not meeting her at a later phase of my life. I can't help to agree with some stuff she told me.. she's certain in what she wants. Helpless jj.. i just feel like wrapping up everything and tell myself that nothing happened.

-My guardian smiley angel- will you shine once again?

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Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Last Secret

"I used to be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without You there to see me through..
But no longer as long as stars shine down from Heaven And the rivers run into the sea'Til the end of time, forever.."

Ms smiley i will be there always for you, just to see u through the night.
It's really not easy to tell u goodbye..
i wished that i can always await upon..till u finally sleep and wish u goodnight.

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Saturday, March 05, 2005

Getting back the results is really a nasty experience, let alone the dissappointment i have.. my g.p. to marcus i will say that i have dissapointed you. The 4 alevel subjects grades are within my predictable range. Every grades simply jump one up.. although i feel really confident after doing the papers. But putting down everything, i am just wishing that i can get in the course of my choice. Yup agree to point that no one gives a damn of ur a level grades when u're in uni.

I am expecting a new kind learning when i am uni though it will be like 2 years away. But by studying engineering, i can't help but to expect the certain knowledge and skills i have to learn and relearn before embarking for the research-based kind of learning. I really wish to break free from those text-bk based learning style. It is simply boring, now i agree that research will be more fun. Yup but i still see my cousin reading those thick bks of electrical circuits, and calling frens to reconfirm if he drew correctly. I do hav interest in that but i don't expect to work as an engineer all my life. Perhaps by teaching others, we learn new things.. then why not be a lecturer? But I know that my interest is into making big money. Then why not study something that can earn gd money? Sadly to say, i can't be a lawyer or doctor.. i think i will study something which has a mixture of my interest and the future career path i yearn for. I hope i will not regret next time because of my choice... so am i all set to make my choice?

Nevermind i still hav 2 yrs to go n think thru.. perhaps by then i will be a self-learned psychologist and get my tenses correct. Yea derrick always tell me that too.. but i can't help to laugh when he told me he got C5 for olevel 3 years back.. and now he gets a b3.

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Friday, March 04, 2005

Hours before i get to collect e 'A's result. I am feeling "so gd" abt it.

Anyway i really had a bad week. Everything started frm e pt i reach the saddest place. I feel so out of place at there.. perhaps i am too unhappy abt too many things. Nothing i can do again. But how e hell i fell of e 3 tonner when i am just getting off it.. Ya landed so nicely on my left foot, leaving me with a twisted leg. Lucky enough that it didn't break. So in the end, i missed SOC, my 24km, and lastly my GP. I can only join in at e last part of e parade to throw my green jockey. What else more can i say? I just don't feel like talking to anyone...but no one bother abt me too.

Bye blog. Talk to u again when i feel like it..

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