Sunday, October 31, 2004

Time Really Do Fly

Everything will be soon over after alevels. It's a final closing to these two years of agony, pain and suffering in terms of e mental stress from studying so much in the short span of two years.
A ending. A beautiful one i see.

It's a sunday today. And i miss the sun. But it's been really cloudy and rainy these few weeks. I miss her too and i guess she's enjoying herself in her camp? And looking after those kids? How i wish sometimes she will look after me too.. cause i think i'm a quite kid sometimes. Need attention too? Kids are really adorable..running around. Worries seems just like a short moment to them. They can wake up and forget that they cried yesterday. Day and night are just joined by a mere juxtaposition to them... but the agony of a grown up can just be a continuity of days and nights..

If time can turn back, I will want to a kid again and to be under the care of others..

Grown up are merely individuals and they live indepedent lives with the responsibility to look after themselves.That's probably one reason why grown up seek companion of another. It's gd sometimes that u have someone who cares for u to fall and to rely on... as for me..i need my bed and pillow.


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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Bored. Bored. Bored. I can't even think of any word to describle my mood today.
I woke up as usual everyday. Yup, saw xin online today n decided to talk to her. She's one year older again. Well she is a very nice young lady and it's impossible to get bored with xin around. Will still remember the hole in her head and the broken finger and the ring that she will punch pple with?!!.I was talking to her because she never go sch and she woke up late too. It seems like e j1 pple like to skip sch. Actually i am quite a regular too last yr.So we went on chatting and she asked me what's my plan?

Plan??!!? I am quite caught up with that word. I wonder what's lies ahead of me. Only God knows. Can you tell me please?Sometimes i wondered..but thinking too much again doesn't help much either.

Plan? I like to plan..but life is always full of the "unexpected" and it may ruin the "plan" drawn by individuals. That's Life. What to do again? I think i shall not complain anymore.

Money and Desire? I want both. That's my plan.
Just kidding. I may not even get what i want so why not just take whatever is there.
Life is Bad/Good? (please cancel the apporiate choice)


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Sunday, October 24, 2004

Better Man

I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man


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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Sometimes things can turn a 180 degree just in a day. I returned home yesterday and sat down to talk to my parents. They gave me a lesson on life. Well.. they questioned about the way i reacted this morning in the incident. After much talking and thinking, i knew i was wrong. I'm sorry dad. Yup. I felt a sense of regretness. I believe that i will learn after one lesson but seems like one is always not enough. I am a slow learner. I remember marcus talking to me once about the way of relating to others, particularly my way. Now i finally understood. Well.. i see the light now.




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Friday, October 22, 2004

It was a bad day. Due to some bad stuff happening, i cannot go to the hiking trip anymore ya. I was really feeling down. Enough of the stress i had from e upcoming exam , i even have to face such stupid problem now. I wondered why sometimes my dad always like to do stuff before even asking me. ( i am the son! ) He always like to choose what he wants.. as and when he like to do his stuff.. Who can i complain to? again..yesterday once and today again.

Enough of this shit stuff.. was trying to clear my drawer just now. I found some letters. Some was from derrick n the other was from ym. Hmm.. they looked really old ( esp derrick's letter ) they were yellowish with the ink starting to fade away. As i am reading through the letter, i came to realise that there are many times i pissed him and her off.. i guess i wasn't tactful enough to know what to say sometimes. ( with regard to something which happened yesterday )
Maybe i am.. i wonder.. i am just someone who speaks out of my mind.. logically.. n it hurts pple sometimes.. maybe it's because of the unwanted truth and facts which came out of me that hurted other pple.. i think first ya.. i cared... cared enough to say those stuff? Like what gay always say i nag to him in the past.. precisely i cared for him and this buddy of me would get annoyed.

Life is always like this.. Is it because we are all just human.. Human never seems to really understand one and another. The complexity make it hard to read their mind. Even if you do.. their thinkings may just change as time pass...

This lucky gay got police.. as for me.. BMTC ya..6 jan.. what a nice date.. It's monday.. The day my freedom ends.


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Friday, October 15, 2004

It's the end of my JC life....

I think i'm a fugitive... running away from reality...


It's so dark....
Afterall you are the one who turn me on..
You are the only who can turn me back on
I'm just sitting here..waiting for u.




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Sunday, October 10, 2004

It's late night at this moment and i'm yet to sleep. I tend to come here less and less.. maybe i have less time n less stuff to write about. Hmm..

The list of stuff that bothers a jc student:

1. Grades "achieved" in common test, promos, prelims, and eventually alvls ( maybe not bothering to smart ones)

2. The tutors ( some only..all my tutors are nice pple )

3. Fellow troubled jc students ( generalization again )

4. Relationship between pple ( hmm.. Gf and Bf stuff? It's always gd to be gay )

5. Stress, Loneliness, Insecurity ( Due to the above problems )

6. .... hmm... there's always alot more to trouble about.. in sch, in life, in work... Well.. it's just life la, just live with it and u will not die young.

Enough of my crap...

I'm getting out of this system soon ( TJC u sux? )


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Sunday, October 03, 2004

Bicentennial Man is a great show. With Andrew, the robot ,who turned human from a robot. Man and Machines had existed side by side for a long time. Although the former created the latter, it's a pity that Man is not so perfect. I guess the creation of Man by God is similar the way how Man created Machines.

Andrew's journey to become a man lead him to his disovery of the meaning of love, freedom and happiness. I see Andrew's life as a way how human grow..His simplistic and transparent manner of communicating to the more complex and fallible humans sense. Human is complex.

I admire Andrew's determination to achieve a semblance of humanity.. Something noble worth striving for. On the contrary, man's babaric nature is a shame... This show had certainly bring about some humor, but most of all... it sparked me to think about how life should be worth living fully...

Life. Human. Love.




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Crossover interlude
by jjia

Unpacking all my emotions baggages,
i recall all the bit n pieces of the past.
The picture is in Black and White.
It brings back the wind that stormed us in the blacky day
And the emptiness that followed after as i wake up in the day.

I can't bring myself close to you,
Enough to know you.
Yet i still love you so.

Where's the love?
It's so grey.
As the morning breeze brought me up,
I can only enjoy this moment all alone.
As the rain shower down,
I can only keep everyting all inside.

Day and Night.
I think and dream of you.
Thinking if we will met once more,
Dreams are but crossing over interludes.

Well, i'm feeling FULL of emotions today. Living in the present, enjoying every moment of life.. is very ideal. Somethings are always so yesterdae. Shadows never seem to dissapear.

Freedom is something i look forth to in the future. I'm quite close to it. But i know in this world, freedom is always limited. Perhaps...

Perhaps...





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