Saturday, July 31, 2004

Love Song

Put away your tears and your sleepy eyes
Put away that bullshit, big boys they don't cry to their mommas
... she'll be back soon
Put away your raincoat and make your bed
Take another bullet right to your head
Now, we're going on a picnic and we'll get there soon
And she says... maybe it's over
He says... there's plenty more fish in the sea
I say... don't go away from me
Now put away your dinner and have a snack
Tie your little brother up in a sack now
We're moving to the country and we'll get there soon (she says)
Now, pack up all the things that you don't deserve
Take another swing... well here comes a curve ball
I bet you can't hit it cuz you'll swing to soon
And she says... maybe it's over
He says... there's plenty more fish in the sea
I say... don't go away...don't go away...
Please don't go away, from me
But can you take it to hard
I'll never leave you
Take those damn pictures off of that shelf
Put away your mommy you don't need her
I found you a new one... she'll be here soon
And she says...my God it's over,
He says...I found another fish in the sea
I say... why me?
Why me?
Why me?
Why is it me?


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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Basically nothing much happened today other than hurting my leg again. So dumb. Had a long day of sch today, so dead. Well i was basically doing revision now and there's a lot! How can seven weeks be enough? Ok i try to run faster.

Woken up by constant beeping of my phone. So many sms are awaiting. Yup my inbox is full. Well it's her. Under stress? i dunno.. maybe it's just because of her training? Hmm.. Gers can get really weary n stressed up when they are under pressure. Well, it's the guy responsible to pacify 'em? Lol.. Nothing much i can do either? I just hope that i will have more opportunity to talk and spend some time with her. Oh i was walking out of the school todae n yup she's just training up at the hall. So near yet so far sometimes? Nevermind i saw other things again. Well haven't confirm my "hypothesis" yet. I got such a strong feeling that it's true. Arg.. Nevermind. Got a lift home by Clarence's dad, and it really save me time and energy to go home.

That's all for the day. It Wednesday now.


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Sunday, July 25, 2004

This is a nice song. Jay's song never fail to bring out my feelings. Well for viewing purpose, please right click - encoding - unicode (UTF-8). 

七里香--周杰倫

窗外的麻雀 在電線桿上多嘴
妳說這一句 很有夏天的感覺
手中的鉛筆 在紙上來來回回
我用幾行字形容妳是我的誰

秋刀魚 的滋味 貓跟妳都想了解
初戀的香味就這樣被我們尋回
那溫暖 的陽光 像剛摘的鮮豔草莓
你說妳捨不得吃掉這一種感覺

雨下整夜 我的愛溢出就像雨水
院子落葉 跟我的思念厚厚一疊
幾句是非 也無法將我的熱情冷卻
妳出現在我詩的每一頁

雨下整夜 我的愛溢出就像雨水
窗台蝴蝶 像詩裡紛飛的美麗章節
我接著寫 把永遠愛妳寫進詩的結尾
妳是我唯一想要的了解

那飽滿 的稻穗 幸福了這個季節
而妳的臉頰像田裡熟透的蕃茄
妳突然 對我說 七里香的名字很美
我此刻卻只想親吻妳倔強的嘴



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Saturday, July 24, 2004

A brand new day, i fell sick yesterday. I guess it must be the flu bug in the class. Had a rest yesterday nite. Since the term started i never had a gd night of rest till yesterday nite. I see my whole day of work as a nightmare to me. To me sleep is like a gd gd dream regardless of what the dream it may be. Well, prelims is coming. I need a balance cause i think i can't burn everything out right now. Well Well.. it's life again. After reading the enrty " unfinished business " by marcus, i felt i had one unfinished business. One which i'm confused about. It's the relationship which i have with a ger. A emotional baggage? I dunno.. Lost love? i dun think so? constant signs of affection? To her? maybe..

She's nice. But...... i still duno what she wan.. I do like her n i'm trying to stop myself to lovin her. It hurts more when you get to love a person n can't get to be together. So that's e reason sometimes i seem quite cold? " jj, dun ignore me? " I'm not.. just that i'm a little upset by her. Come to know of things around can get really saddening. Especially to know that someone u know also like the person you like. Hmm.. although i know that guy but i guess i will do nothing about it. It's up to her to choose who she want? or maybe she isn't aware of it.. or maybe she isn't aware that i know about it. Anyway there's really nothing much i can do about it. Ignorance is a bliss really, it's just too bad to be too observant sometimes. I can get really very sensitive to this kind of thing sometimes. Maybe the relationship didn't meant to start? Heaven knows. But i'm thankful of the beautiful memories she left inside me. I just dun like the feeling of hanging halfway in the mid-air. I can't afford to have a fall esp a emotional one right now. I'm a emotionally weakling. I can be so strong n quiet outside but deep in i know who i realli am... Time to study again =)



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Monday, July 19, 2004

It's a day of surprise, unbelieving shocked by a comment on me. Was I really condemned? Worthless? A boy who deserved a slap? I still can vividly remember my first slap by my primary teacher. In retrospect, I feel I deserved that slap. On the contrary, this slap came straight to me, a very precise slap to my pride n it definitely shaken my self-confidence. Worthy is the slap, a hidden value that enriches me and set me off pondering about my self value to others. Yes, it does hurt but I should seems like I need to be more positive about it. I should learn. It been an anguishing moment when I heard the comment. I swallowed my pride and dat very moment my heart felt a pain! Lucky i'm not a girl. I'm glad.
 
Yes to be smart. I have already realized it before i have to be told. I guess I must learn to be more apologetic n learn to speak in a subdued tone.  Yes, defend with a blunt sword is never a gd move to make. Perhaps sharpening it n perfecting the stroke will kill 'em off! I sound aggressive but instead I have always remain defensive all the times. Perhaps I'm not born to challenge but just to obey. I hate authority n control. I hate negative comments. I hate pple who condemn. ( I think, therefore I am. -- Descartes. )  But many of us today choose to think bad about pple than to really reflect upon themselves. To pin-point others, shifting others attention on them to others - to condemn others. It's really a cunning act. There are many such man who exist on this earth and are often blinded by their own pride n arrogance.  Well i'm not one of 'em. I have been victimized. Haha like I really care. What Mr tan had said sound more sense that those I type above. Haha. I think it really matters more on comment which come from pple who cared. Nevertheless, i felt a sense of comfort from him. Not from those which meant to condemn. Well i shall not dwell more on it, being aware of it now is gd enough for me to improve. As for those who continues to condemn, it's really their business. As for me, a lesson is learned.





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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Jc life will soon be well over. School will be soon be over too. Boredem, bitterness, happiness, loneliness, hardship, pain, filled my the days when i'm in it. I guess there's more negative things that i can talk about school - the system. Well there's always brighter view to everything for which there are actually still many things i can smile about. Well i developed the habit of going school just on the dot - just a moment before i'm consider late. Well late is always better early i guess. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Perhaps i just don't feel like going school last time.
A little tip for jc survival -
1. "socio-politic" skills - this require you honing skills of putting on a fake mask - trying to be as friendly as possible.
2. Eating "Humble" pie - never try to brag ur skills infront of others. Try to keep low profile in studies yet always try to perfect skill no1.
3. Be "lovable" to teacher - win their hearts by doing their tutorial
4. Be "smart"

Well it's better to different always and set the trend going. Haha it's the way to survive in this "cruel" world. Instead of following my own jc survival tips, i totally malfunction with it sometimes. I'm always helpful in anyway or another but i guess why bother so much? Caring? Yes i'm. Kind? Yes i'm. But little pple realli care about you until they know how much u cared? In this cold world i belong ( not realli that negative ), people seem to be so cold. Most are only willing to open up themselves to their close peers. Some of them dun even - they hide secrets, backstab. Thus, they will never know how much u cared. All i really cared is you? A phrase that a guy will seldom say to a guy. I once did that - a sign of gayness?? - realli not a gd sign. Even my best fren can be really like be gone like the wind. I wondered if sometimes he had ever think of me and it really sadden me to think about the old good days we shared. Lost~ Now, i cared for my family and i'm really glad that they provide me with all i need. Haha as for GBR? i'm no more a boy so i don't need a ger. But whom to turn to? I need a person who can really share the world together with me. Someone who can provide me alternative views, appreciate things with me in life, n hopefully a life partner. But i hope to achieve more first in my life. Who will i meet? i wondered.



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Thursday, July 08, 2004

Indeed life is a tragedy full of joy. We are born, strive mightily to achieve great ends, love deeply, suffer pain bravely - and for what? The irony of our human fate is that which has given us greatest joy when it is present, gives us greatest pain when it is absent. Without the joy of life, there is no tragedy in death. Life, I conclude, is a tragedy full of joy.

My life is in a mess now. My joy has been filled with dissappointment which i bring about to people around me - to those who cared and those who think they cared. However the biggest disppointment now is that i feel so useless. Other than the joy that i can bring about to myself, i feel useless in giving and bringing joy to other people around. To love deeply can bring about the biggest dissapointment. Being unable to achieve my expectation of my work is equally bad. Well what a positive man i'm now. What i feared so much has indeed happened. I feared the fear of giving up everything. Losing the spirit to fight will meant a very certain death.

From Ernest Gaine's novel, A Lesson Before Dying, it is the tragic story of Jefferson, a young black man in the South of the 1940's falsely accused of murder and sentenced to the electric chair. The young man's god-mother who had raised him, bitterly accepts his fate but wants him to face his execution like a man. He is unlearned, barely articulate, and without hope.

She finally persuades Grant, another young black man - a teacher - to visit him and teach him a "lesson before dying," that he might face his fate with dignity. While Grant is hesitant and resists such a responsibility, he takes it on. There are some fascinating encounters with the local preacher who is more concerned with Jefferson's soul after death, than his spirit during life. Gradually Jefferson discovers the joy in reading and writing - rejoices that there are those who care about him - begins to discover who he is - a person with what Martin Luther King, Jr., would call "somebodiness." He dies with courage and dignity.

I guess it will be too shameless to die without a fight, I guess i just need to get my direction right again.




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Life is a tragedy full of joy

Even beneath the dark death winter
We know that spring is about to explode
Coming with life of joy and singing
We know that death is awaiting all of us
For summer, fall and winter follows inexorably.

Even till to the last falling leaf,
We must not miss the chance to celebrate its coming
Despite the lengthening days and the warming sun
Everyday we are one day closer
Closer to our final meeting with fate.

Can i hand this poem up instead of handing up a compo about life is a tragedy full of joy?

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Friday, July 02, 2004

jjia leaving skool at 6:11 PM (0) comments

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How to make a jjia

Ingredients: 1 part jealousy 5 parts crazyiness 3 parts empathy

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability